Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
