I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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