I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize