Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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