I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
