Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
