His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
