You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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