its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
