Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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