We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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