I have demons in me.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
