The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she smelled like a LAN party
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I checked into jail on foursquare
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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