You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So vagazzling was a success
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
