We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
