Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
jump out the window naked night went bad
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
