i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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