he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
