Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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