i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
