I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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