the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Randomize
