I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
