someone owes me an orgasm
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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