Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
