Got a toothbrush?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
