I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If I die, sorry about rent.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
