Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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