people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize