all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
