I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
