Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
