Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
