took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
