She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize