You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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