is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
handjob tips. give me some.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
