I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
