Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
