does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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