Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
