girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
