You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
