I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize