I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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