There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
