you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
