How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
