Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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