Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dicks are not precious.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
