When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
