i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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