I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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