It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
