i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
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