respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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