i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
