I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
