And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
