member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's never too late to be topless.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
