I've blown a few things in my day
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
