i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
