My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
