I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
