Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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