forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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