Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Congratulations! We have a period
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
