Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
