and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
