She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
