i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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