If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
