You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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