She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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