dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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