I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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