hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I love you. Go after that dick
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
