Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
