He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
