FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
