Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
