She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
