My liver just broke up with me...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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