Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
