so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
