Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
