My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
