Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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