He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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