He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
