I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
