theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
