I smell stomach acid.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
