We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
