Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
