My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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