Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
