Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
