I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
