i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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