Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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