closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
