he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
