Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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