oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
