PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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