After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
