Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize