Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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