Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
