Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize