My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we have pet lesbian snakes
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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