There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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