right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
