Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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