Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
