Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
