so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize