Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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